This Year is the Year

Every year I tell myself, “This is going to be the year!” And every year I fail.

What makes this year any different? There really isn’t much of a difference. Since the last time I posted here, things have changed. New jobs, moving, vacations, good times, and bad times – there’s almost always an excuse.

“This will be the year!”

Imposter syndrome has a strong hold on me. I don’t feel like I’m an actual writer. I think that I’m just fooling everyone, including myself, that I’m a writer and I’m a fraud. But what makes this year different?

What makes this year’s NaNoWriMo any different than all the failed attempts the previous years? I wish I knew. I wish it was easy to tell you why I think this year will be different. Is it the influx of writing buddies this year? Is it for the fact I’ve actually bought a book on how to write a book in a month? I need to actually write. It’s tough because doubts, work, and other reasons are why I probably couldn’t make it again this year. And yet, I keep trying. I keep wanting to try and to trick myself into winning. But there shouldn’t be any tricks involved, should there?

I attempted Camp NaNoWriMo earlier this year but didn’t get that far. Depression caught up with me again. Imposter syndrome was at the wheel again.

I love to write and if I could be called a writer, then that would be amazing. This year isn’t much different from the years before but… I’ve got to try.

About Lily

A fujoshi who won't shut up about anime, manga, video games, BJDs, nendoroids, and anime conventions. She apparently can't stop writing either.

Posted on October 5, 2018, in Personal. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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